Follow Your Arrow

Life is a journey. Each of us are on our own paths. Along the way, our paths cross others, and they separate. They lead us to things we love, and things we hate. And all the while, it helps us find ourselves when we feel so lost trying to stay on our path.

I’ve crossed into paths that didn’t belong to me. I’ve stayed in one spot for far too long. I’ve even set fire to my own damn forest. And then I expected to be able to see more clearly through the smoke and flames.

My life has been anything but “normal.” Having one child at 15, having another child with a handful of medical problems, and getting married before I could legally drink alcohol. I moved out at 19, and we bought our house right before our youngest was born. House. Marriage. Kids. This is the dream, right?

Don’t get me wrong, it is what I wanted, and is still what I want. I don’t regret this part of my life by any means. But I have also always felt like a wild spirit deep down. I’ve always felt like my soul is literal fire, but that I had to hide it. Contain it. Keep it at bay.

I’ve always felt like I had to hide this side of me. “A wife and mother shouldn’t feel this way. She should be domesticated. Calm. And quite frankly, boring” Or so I would let my demons tell me. Because you see, my demons wanted me to be miserable.

It’s not selfish of me to ask for what I want. It’s not selfish of me to go after and get what I want. It’s not selfish of me to be who I am. And it doesn’t make me a bad wife or mother. It makes me a better one. Because when you are happy with yourself, that radiates to all portions of your life. You become truly unstoppable.

I’ve always believed there has to be more to life than working to just pay the bills. Yeah, you still need to do this and be responsible, but I also have bigger plans. Bigger dreams. I want to truly, fully, experience all that life has to offer.

I want to travel. I want to see the world. I love scenic views that just take your breath away. I love the feeling of realizing how big our world is, how small we are compared to it. How small my problems are compared to the vastness before me.

I want to be an inspiration. I’m writing this blog, mostly for me, but I do hope one day it inspires someone in some way. I’ve also been dabbling the idea of writing a book. I’ve thought about being a motivational speaker and talking about my unique life experiences. I’ve also been looking into volunteering to organizations or projects that mean a lot to me. I’ve even thought about starting my own project.

I want to love others fiercely. I want to develop healthy relationships. I want to open my heart to others in a way I wasn’t able to do before.

I want to live life. MY life. Not someone else’s life.

I started a new job in the beginning of 2022 that allows me to work from home and have a flexible schedule. While waking up in a new city, new country, with a mimosa in hand is a literal dream, it’s also been a dream to have this type of job where I can be there for my kids. I’ve always hated not being more involved in their lives because I had to work. But this new job, this new lifestyle, allows me to have the best of both worlds.

For a while, I lost sight of myself, my needs, my wants. I kept forgetting MY dreams. MY goals. My life doesn’t end just because I became a mom at 15, even though that’s what everyone told me at the time. It only adds to my experience. I’m thankful for my journey. Every bit of it.

I want to build meaningful connections, have new adventures, travel the world, and make a positive impact. Who says I can't have it all?

My path right now… it’s not on fire to burn. It’s on fire for the warmth and light. It’s guiding me on my journey of self-discovery. I’m becoming more and more rooted into who I am. More comfortable. More confident.

If your journey crosses into my path, I hope it’s full of happiness, love, laughter, and peace. If your journey crosses into my path and you decide to bring a hurricane, you aren’t welcome here. Your water won’t dim my fire. YOU will not dim my light. YOU will not make me cold. If you’ve crossed my path while the fire was burning, I welcome you to cross again. The path isn’t rocky anymore. If you decide you don’t want to cross at all, I wish you well and that you find what you, too, are looking for. I’m good. I’ve found my path. I’m finally following where my arrow is pointing me.