Happy Days

I got on Facebook this morning, and one of the things I like to check on it each day are the memories. I enjoy seeing what happened on this day in years past. I enjoy looking at old pictures and events that may have happened in my life. One of today’s memories was from 12 years ago. And it simply said “Happy” with a heart emoji next to it. And in that moment, I instantly thought, “17-year-old Alyssa doesn’t know what happiness is.”

A junior in high school. Dating the same guy for almost 3 and half years at that point. Mom to an almost 2-year-old little girl. The world felt like it was in the walls of a school building. She didn’t know what kind of life lay beyond those hallways.

She was worried about college and being a young mom and how she would provide for herself and her daughter. Today, she’s accepted that college isn’t for her. That a diploma doesn’t define her or her success. And even if she did have one, she doesn’t believe it would bring her the true happiness she was searching for. It would only bring her a few moments of attention from those congratulating her. But it would never be the thing to fulfill her. The job she has now, that’s where her happiness lies. Something she feels highlights her strengths. Something that allows her to financially contribute and provide for her family Something that allows her a flexible work environment. Something that allows her to be a present mom in the lives of her kids.

She would never tell you, but she would begin to question her relationship. Together they experienced the highs and lows. But ultimately, they chose each other. They both realized the grass isn’t greener on the other side. And that their hearts belonged to one another. And now, after 15 years together and 8 years of marriage, happiness is found in the security and stability she feels in him.

She was always made to question how good of a mother she could be at such a young age. All of the doubts she was told from the outside world began to creep into her mind; she began to believe them. She was too much in her head about it, until she blinked, and now the little girl is a teenager whose going to be starting high school. While she’s sad at the time she wasted wondering what others thought, she looks on at the young woman she is raising with proudness, fondness, and happiness coursing through her entire being.

Happiness was found in getting to reexperience pregnancy and motherhood with her second child. She never felt like she could enjoy her pregnancy with her daughter because she 15. But now she was an adult, and she was married, and the whole experience was completely different this time around. She felt the glow from the inside out, and she loved every second of it.

Happiness was bringing her baby boy into the world. Bringing him home to the house they just bought a month prior. It was sitting in the living room in the very early morning hours, giving him a bottle, and looking around at the life she created for herself. Knowing fully that life felt complete in that moment.

That is, until, life felt like it came crumbling down around her when they got the news that their little boy had brain tumors. Nothing felt right. And any happiness she did have was sucked right out of her. And it stayed that way for a long time.

Until one day she realized life isn’t just measured by the amount of big life changes you make. The true happy moments lie in the little things. Getting to open our eyes another day. Her children opening theirs. It’s not the size of her house that matters, but the love that’s built inside of it. It’s not the job title you have, but the way your work makes you feel. It’s laughing at silly moments. Spending time with loved ones. It’s found in hobbies like writing, baking, and yoga. And it’s finding the good in even the darkest situations; her son’s diagnosis taught her that.

17-year-old Alyssa was unsure of herself and her purpose in this world. I wish I could go back in time and tell her it will all be okay. Let her know that she finds the confidence she always wished she had. Let her know that everything will work out. Let her know that she does find her purpose.

Happiness starts from within. From there, everything will fall into place.