Grateful

I woke up this morning to the sun shining in my face through the window. But the outside view isn’t my home. My neighborhood. But yet, it’s grown familiar. And I’m reminded that Ian hasn’t slept in his own bed at home for 9 weeks.

But it’s not long after I wake up that I hear a little voice say “Mommy.” We both smile at each other, the reason being the same, but meaning something totally different to the two of us. Ian wakes up just happy to be alive. He’s a kid. He doesn’t understand death quite yet. He has no worries or fears about what’s going to happen tomorrow. He has the things he likes and the people he loves and that’s all he knows about life. It’s good. For me, I wake up happy he’s alive too. But I’m his mom. And I watched him as he slept for weeks in a hospital bed. I watched him decline and rise again. The thought of planning his funeral ran through my mind. And even if he pulled through this, I wondered how much time I had left with him. A parent’s worst nightmare was becoming my reality.

But it’s no longer our reality. We may still be in the rehab center, but in 3 days, we’ll get to bring Ian home. I can’t help but feel so much gratitude toward all the good things in our life. And even the bad things that helped pave the way for this journey and remind us of all the things to be appreciative for.

I’m grateful for Ian and to still have him here with us. The pediatric brain tumor road is not one I would wish anyone to walk upon. But since this is part of our journey, I’m grateful for a low-grade diagnosis. I’m grateful for our medical team who provide medical intervention and help us navigate the best choice for Ian. I’m grateful to get to bring home soon, even if that means bringing him home in a wheelchair. I’m grateful that despite some setbacks this has caused Ian, he continues to show determination and resilience.

I’m grateful for Gabby, who has shown so much strength throughout all of this. She hasn’t acted out or have a change in personality despite everything that has happened. She has maintained her grades, and she’s always willing to help when we need it. 12 is a hard age for anyone without the complications we’ve had to face. I’m grateful for her perseverance, and I know it will take her far in life.

I’m grateful for my husband. He always shows up for our kids, and he was my rock when I absolutely lost it multiple times in the PICU. I’m grateful he doesn’t walk away when things get hard. He stays and says, “Let’s fix this, let’s figure this out.” Whether it’s watching a show together or taking turns sleeping in a hospital room, he’s always there for us. I’m grateful I have someone to take on life with.

I’m grateful for our friends and family, and even strangers, who rallied behind us during the most difficult time in our lives. The outpouring support we received from everyone is something I will be eternally grateful for. Whether it was helping through the fundraiser or offering to cook us dinner, we felt so much love from everyone. To have that kind of support isn’t something everyone has, so we are really thankful for each and every one of you who showed us kindness, love, and compassion.

I’m grateful for my job. I’ve been in my current position for almost a year now, and I only love it more now. Not only do I have the flexibility to manage motherhood itself, but also the ability to manage Ian’s care. I also have a great manager and coworkers who were nothing but supportive during my time off.

I’m grateful for our home, both the one we shelter in and the one built within ourselves.

I’m grateful for my own strength and resilience.

I’m grateful for my ability to set boundaries so that I only allow good, happy, and healthy things and relationships into my life.

I’m grateful for being willing to change and grow to become the person I want to be.

I’m grateful for my blog and being able to write about my perceptions. Whether anyone reads it or not, it helps me. It makes me happy. It’s become a part of me and drives my soul.

I’m grateful for cups of coffee in the morning before the rest of the house wakes up.

I’m grateful for snuggles under a warm blanket.

I’m grateful for friendships, both past and present. I’m grateful for the ones that nourish one another. I’m also grateful for the ones that burned me and taught me more about love, both within myself and with other people.

I’m grateful for the ability to express myself in a multitude of ways, whether by writing, by my style, my home decor, or music.

I’m grateful for adventures, feeling the wind in my hair and the sun on my face.

I’m grateful for belly laughs.

I’m grateful to be able to see myself in a different light than I did before. A beautiful light. One I don’t wish to stray away from.

I’m grateful for the chance to shower the people I care about with all my love.

I’m grateful for the Universe for all the love, happiness, and abundance in my life.

I’m grateful for this journey. My life. Every step has brought me to right here. In a place of immense gratitude.

As Thanksgiving day approaches, remind yourself of all the things you are grateful for. Don’t do this just one day- do it every day. If you wish to live a happy life, it starts with a grateful heart. Look at your world through a glass half full instead of half empty. Once you shift your mindset, your whole world changes.